It’s time, friends. Grab your bug-out bag and head to your fallout bunker. You’ll need a stockpile of food, water and a hard-wire internet connection because the Wi-Fi in bomb shelters is terrible. That’s right, we’ve passed the point of no return; we’re at DEFCON Negative 2: complete nuclear Adpocalypse.

If we went into a global conflict like WW3, maybe humanity would die out, but at least cockroaches would survive. The Adpocalypse is worse. I doubt even those pesky insects could deal with the darkest evil ever to face content creators: fallout of demonetization. I mean, think about it: it’s got “DEMON” right at the start of the word; we should take a hint. Clearly The Man and Mr. YouTube have colluded together, performing ancient blood magick and summoning dark spirits into existence to prevent creators from being able to make a living through ads.

The ramifications of YouTube’s new ad policies are huge. It doesn’t take a super-genius to recognize that right around the time of demonetization, US relations with North Korea became even more strained. However, few people probably realize the reason: Kim Jong-un loves cat videos.

I have reason to believe the North Korean dictator had secret plans on boosting his country’s GDP by producing a channel all about cute little kitties. However, once he realized that the site’s trending features had been revamped and he likely wouldn’t find success because of the new YouTube algorithm, Kim Jong-un started testing missiles and threatening the area where YouTube is head-quartered: the west coast of the United States.

This threat, caused by the Adpocalypse, is even bigger than in 2015, when Vladimir Putin almost declared war because Jenna Marbles stopped making “What Girls and Guys Do” videos.

Back to current day; is there any hope? Any reason to go on?

No, probably not.

It’s doubtful YouTube will go back to the old model. The strings have been pulled; the puppets have danced. The Man is back to his old tricks, manipulating every channel of power to make sure he stays on top and we, the lowly creator class, with our hilarious prank videos and epic fail compilations, will never be recognized for our brilliance.

We, as a species, are doomed.

This international crisis is beyond reconciliation. We, as a species, are doomed — we have been demonetized. All we can do is hope that in the distant future, whatever life form is next to reign supreme on this planet can find some some vestiges of the past and learn from our mistakes.

Humankind has surpassed the limits of mathematics, science and art. Now, the only thing worth striving for, ad revenue, has been stripped from us. We have nothing left but to count the days until we are completely consumed by a new dark age; a feudal, tribal state, where warlords reign supreme in a constant battle against each other and the elements for sheer survival. Or even worse, we return to print media.

Get YouTuber.


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